We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
