it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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