your thong is hanging out like whoa
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
