yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize