You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
