Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
