he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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