Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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