i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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