I just saw a hot homeless man
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The air was thick with penises
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
