I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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