spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
