he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize