If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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