The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
