I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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