You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
