my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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