Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
