almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
