saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
