i don't like sucking hair
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There r osticjed everywhere
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize