Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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