dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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