Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
