Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
