Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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