If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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