My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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