I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
