thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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