Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
