Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
