I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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