You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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