my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
