Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
