His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
