I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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