I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
