Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
