dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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