dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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