just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
