I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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