Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
