You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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