he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
