her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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