Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
