note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize