I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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