Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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