The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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