considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
