I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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