he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
