Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
