At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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