I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
