So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
