I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
