a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
