Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
