Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
