Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
