Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
