the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Four minutes until I can fart!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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