Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
