Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
