What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
