I swear she didn't look like that last week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize